Indefinitely
by volleyballbasketball
Summary: First chapter is just a little drabble from somewhere in season five, most of the chapters will be drabbles or one-shots about Deeks and Kensi. Assume the drabbles are from before they get together unless I say otherwise at the top. Or actually, it should be pretty obvious so just go with it.
1. The Prince and His Princess

K so this is before they get together btw.

….

Kensi Blye stood over a kitchen sink, resentfully rinsing out the used sippy cup of Sam's youngest daughter.

How she had gotten herself into this position, she still couldn't remember. From what she could remember, it seemed to involve too many shots of tequila and ill advised wagering. Yet here she was, she had lost a bet and so when Sam told her it was time to babysit, she had no choice but to answer the call of duty.

Though she hated to admit it, when Deeks had insisted on coming with her, she had been more than relieved. It was no secret he was much better with kids than her, and besides Sam's daughters loved him, much to their fathers annoyance of course. He let them brush his hair and smear make up on his face, and he would tell them stories until their eyelids grew heavy, and he and Kensi would each carry a little girl to bed.

Secretly, Kensi cherished these nights, though she did not especially enjoy the cleaning or cooking parts.

Yet here she was, scrubbing a sippy cup and cleaning the dishes.

When at last the final one was dried, she headed back towards the living room where she had left Deeks and the girls playing with some dolls.

Deeks voice drifted down the hall, and she willingly followed it. Yet something made her stop at the door and smile rather stupidly to herself.

She peered through the crack but did not enter, not wanting to disturb the scene before her.

Deeks was sprawled out on the couch, with Sam's youngest daughter, Sophia, perched on his knee. The older girl, Ella, sat kneeling on the floor looking up at him, infatuation very evident in her expression.

Both watched him with rapt attention as he told them a story.

"...See the prince had a very cool, very macho stallion," Deeks was saying in his usual, dramatic manor, "but tragically he never got to ride it."

"Why?" inquired the youngest sister, her big dark eyes staring up at Deeks with confusion.

"Well there was a mysterious and wise old queen who had the power to see everything that went on in her kingdom through her magic crystal ball. "

"Was she pretty?" asked the oldest.

Deeks laughed in spite of himself.

"Well, to be honest she looked rather like a mix between a shriveled chipmunk and ancient garden gnome, and she was like a hundred years old, but that's why she was so wise."

"But how did she stop the prince from riding his stallion?" inquired Ella.

"She looked through her magic crystal ball and saw the prince's shiny new stallion, and since she didn't want the prince to get hurt, she took it away. This made the prince very sad, because he loved his noble steed, but in the end it was fine. You see there was a princess and she let the prince ride with her."

"Oh!" cried the elder girl, "was she beautiful?"

Deeks smile was radiant as he spoke

"She was the most beautiful princess in the whole entire kingdom."

"Wooww," sighed the littlest, "what did she look like?"

Deeks chuckled slightly, and Kensi held her breath, though she felt stupid for doing it, and silently reprimanded herself for being so childish.

"This princess had long, silky chestnut hair and tan skin because she like to go to the beach. And her eyes were mismatched, one was black and the other was brown, and what beautiful eyes they were. They always sparkled when she laughed. She was tall and graceful, and she was the envy of every girl in the kingdom."

"Woooww" sighed Sophia again.

"So she looked like Aunt Kensi?" said the older one.

Deeks grinned,

"Yeah," he sighed, "she looked just like Kensi...

"But like I was saying, the prince, who was very handsome and super funny and loved dearly by all in the kingdom, sadly never got to steer the horse because the princess never let him."

"Well she was probably better at riding horses..." said the Ella.

"No," replied Deeks, a smirk present on his lips, "I can assure you she was not. And he always said he could drive the horse, but she never ever let him. He didn't mind though, because..."

Deeks hesitated.

"Why?" asked the little girl impatiently.

"Because he loved her."

"Oh I knew it!" squealed Sophia.

Deeks grinned as the girls exclaimed their excitant, unaware that a few yards away, hiding behind the living room door, his princess stood listening in utter shock.

"Yes, yes," said Deeks at last, "And on their mighty steed they had many adventures. Sometimes the prince has to save the princess from evil kings and monsters, and sometimes the princess has to save the prince from dragons and stuff too.

"Like one time they rode to a far away land and had to save a young boy from his evil step father. The boy played… he played the guitar… It was a hard mission, but they finally succeeded. And to celebrate, the old wise queen decided they should dance –

"Oh was it a grand ball?"

A grin appeared on Deeks' mouth once again as he replied.

"Well obviously, and everyone was wearing big fluffy dresses and all that, and there was music and glitter and everything wonderful."

"Was the princess the most beautiful of them all?" inquired Ella.

Now Deeks' smile was positively radiant.

"She was always the most beautiful."

"And was she the best dancer there? Is that why the prince danced with her?" said the little one, who was now trembling with excitement.

"No," said Deeks happily, "No the princess was awful at dancing, she always accused the prince of stepping on her feet, but really it was her fault. But the prince was just happy to hold her in his arms, he didn't care that she was bad at dancing or that she was incredibly stubborn, in fact he loved her even more because of her few imperfections. That's what love is, you guys, it's knowing someone better than they know themselves, and still wanting to be with them anyways."

The two girls merely stared up at Deeks in awe, until finally the younger one spoke.

"And did they love happily ever after?" she squealed excitedly.

A shadow passed over Deeks' face, and for a split second, Kensi feared what he was about to say. But before the though had formed in her mind, his normal smile was back, and he whispered.

"Of course."


	2. A Stranger

"Hi - excuse me - is this seat taken?"

Kensi was startled out of her daydream rather suddenly. Shaking herself out of a daze, she looked up to a kind faced woman who looked about her own age.

"Oh, no go ahead," Kensi said, indicating the empty seat beside her. She did not often use public transport, but she was not in L.A. at the moment. She was three thousand miles away from her home, her friends, and her partner. New York was brisk and unwelcoming to her, but perhaps that was because she was used to the eternal sunshine of California, or she facing it without Deeks. Whatever the reason, she wanted to finish her business here as soon as possible and return home.

"Are you alright?" asked the woman who now sat beside her.

It appeared that Kensi had drifted off again. She did that a lot these days.

"Oh yeah," Kensi smiled back, trying to look as sane as possible, "Just tired…"

The woman smiled.

"You're not from here, are you?"

"No," Kensi sighed, "no I definitely miss my home. I miss – well yeah I just miss home, that's all."

The smiled again, and as if she could read Kensi's mind, she asked,

"But is it really?"

Kensi was not sure whether to be alarmed or intrigued that this stranger would be so blunt with her. Yet the woman commanded a sort of trust, she was one of those people who you feel like you've known you're whole life, when really you've just met them. And so Kensi, deciding that there was nothing to lose anyways, let herself open up to a complete stranger on a subway in New York. For some reason it felt safer than releasing the secrets she kept to those who were closest to her. It was bizarre, but she went with it.

"Well, no, not really," Kensi sighed, leaning back into her seat, "There's someone I miss more than anyone. He – well its complicated, but basically I cant even tell him how much I miss him because it just wont work. And being away from him only makes it worse."

"Does he make u happy?" the woman asked

"He makes me more than happy he – well I've never been good with words but I'm pretty sure there aren't ones to describe what he makes me feel. I know it's dangerous, to care that much. But it's funny," she said as she cocked her head to the side as if contemplating her own thoughts, "I don't give a damn about caution anymore, not with him."

She sighed.

"But I'm here, and he's not… I'm sorry, I'm blabbering and u don't even know me."

"No, no sweetie, not many people have been there, you're lucky you have."

"Just when I was ready to tell him, I was sent here, and I'm not sure I'll have the confidence when I get back to L.A. I'm not sure I'll ever have the confidence…"

"If you love him that much, I think you already do," replied the woman.

Kensi frowned. Maybe the woman was right, but right now she just wanted to stop thinking about Deeks for the first time in forever. Luckily, the stranger seemed to sense this and said

"So you're from L.A.?"

"Yeah."

"Funny, I'm going out there next week to visit my cousin."

"Oh, cool. Are you guys close?" said Kensi conversationally.

"Yeah, we never really got to see each other much as kids; my mom didn't approve of her sisters marriage to my cousin's dad. To be honest I don't blame her, the guy was a dead beat from what I could tell. He was no good and – well some pretty bad shit went down and after that my mom really cut us off from them. But he and I kept in contact. He loves surfing and he says he'll teach me when I go out there," she said happily.

Kensi grinned, she knew another surfer who had tried on more than one occasion to convince her to go out on the water with him. But this was beside the point.

"What did u say your cousin's name was?" Kensi inquired.

"I don't think I did," she said amusedly, "but his name is Marty."

Kensi smiled, she loved that name. Then with a start she felt rather rude for not asking what the woman's name was first.

"I'm sorry, but what's your name?" Kensi asked gently.

The woman chuckled.

"Allison, and what's yours?"

"Kensi."

"An unusual name, but pretty…"

A short silence fell between them. Not wanting it to be awkward, and yet not knowing exactly why she even cared if it were, Kensi inquired about Allison's cousin. It seemed like appropriate small talk.

"I haven't been out to see him in years," she said rather sadly, "but he's living in LA now, and since I'll be in town I figured I'd pay him a visit u know?

"My mother's always saying how she hopes he got out of that awful trailer park alright. He had rough childhood from what I remember. I think he did alright though, he's a cop now."

Kensi's heart stopped.

She barely heard the kind faced stranger saying

"But I'm sorry, I'm probably boring you with my cousin talk..."

"No, no," said Kensi, shaking off her alarmed expression, "No it's – it's cool – I mean…"

Allison smiled knowingly. It was almost unsettling how much Kensi felt like she knew her. Then she remembered, of course she knew her. Or at least she knew of her, Deeks had mentioned a cousin that lived back in New York.

"Well this is my stop," said Allison abruptly. Then she turned back to Kensi and said earnestly,

"I hope everything works out. The things we want most have a way of doing that."


	3. Law School

It was an unusually boring day in the bullpen. Deeks sat with his feet propped up on his desk, getting dirt on the paperwork he was supposed to be doing; Callen twirled his pencil as he stared blankly down at the piles of paper he had yet to complete; Kensi was, as per usual, already almost done with her share, but slowing down significantly as the afternoon wore on; and Sam was gazing intently at the computer in front of him. His eyes searched the screen furiously, and finally he exclaimed,

"When did college get so damn expensive? By the time my girls graduate high school, I'm gonna have to sell my kidney to put them through."

Kensi's head perked up at the mention of methods of paying for college, a sly and most malicious grin etched upon her face. Deeks sensed what she was going to say, and her gave a "don't you dare" face.

But it was too late, Kensi couldn't resist.

"You know, if you're looking for intriguing ways of paying for college, Deeks could certainly give you a few _tips_," she shot him a playful glance, "if you know what I mean."

Callen smirked, "I feel like we're missing something here…"

"Oh no," said Deeks nervously, still keeping his eyes on Kensi, "nothing at all."

"Ya'll are wack," concluded Sam. But then a thought seemed to pop into his head, and it seemed Deeks might be saved.

"Where did u go to law school anyways, Deeks?"

"Harvard," he replied as simply as if he were stating his favorite ice cream flavor.

At this the entire team either dropped their pencils or, in Sam's case, also choked on his water bottle.

"What?" he spluttered, his eyes bulging with disbelief.

"Well yeah," Deeks continued nonchalantly, folding his hands under his chin as he leaned on his desk. Then with a sly grin only he could master so perfectly, he said,

"Marty Deeks does not do things half ass, if I couldn't be the best, well then what was the point? So I did. I became the best. I also became the best at beer pong, seems nerds aren't quite as skilled at the liquor games as they are at computer games, but I taught them. Completely beside the point however."

He shrugged his shoulders resumed biting his pencil as he stared intently for the first time at the paperwork on his desk, fully aware if his team still gawking at him.

"But," Kensi said, finally able to find words again, "but - but you... Mmmm…"

He laughed as she closed her mouth again, evidently pleased that he had been the one to render Kensi speechless.

"I think what she means to say is only smart people go to Harvard," Callen said, his enjoyment evident on his face.

"Ouch," said Deeks, but he was not hindered, "no need to consider my feelings eh Callen?"

Callen grinned.

"But no matter, no matter… Everyone, for the record, the next time someone makes a dumb Deeks joke, just remember this ole boy went to Harvard."

"Yeah and dropped out," Kensi scoffed.

"You're missing the point Kens," he said, waving her comment off.

"Oh really? And what is the point oh great and wise Deeks? Please, enlighten us."

"The point is if you look like this," he said pointing to himself, "and you tell a girl you're a Harvard lawyer, there ain't no way she's not gonna drop her pan – "

"Good afternoon Mr. Deeks," Hetty cut in.

Deeks froze for a minute before pulling out his most innocent smile,

"Why hello Hetty, I was just telling the team – "

"About your impressive education and far less impressive morals? Yes I am quite aware, but if we're done with our walk down memory lane, Eric has a case for you all. It seems an ex marine turned philosophy professor has been found dead in his summer house near Long Beach."

As she turned to leave she paused, a wry smile on her face.

"He was a professor at Harvard, fancy that."

Her team merely stared at her.

"Ah life," she said airily as she walked away.

Now it was Deeks' turn to gawk,

"Was it me or did she just seem happy about murder?" he asked.

His team merely shook their heads and clapped his shoulder as they filed past him.


	4. A Stranger Part 2

Kensi walked into Deeks' kitchen and her heart dropped through the floor. There, sitting on her partner's couch, was the stranger from the subway. It couldn't be. How could she have forgotten? She had been so certain that the woman, who now Kensi came to think of it she couldn't quite recall a name for, had not been talking of Deeks when she mentioned her cop cousin named Marty who loved in L.A. Coincidence, that had been all. But it wasn't. In her heart she had known that. And besides, the proof was sitting right in front of her, wearing white jeans and a Yankees t-shirt.

For split second, Kensi wondered if she could still sneak away undetected. But all hopes of escape vanished as the woman raised her head and appeared even more shocked than Kensi.

Her bright blue eyes widened with wonder, and her magazine slipped from her fingers. Of course, how could she have been so stupid? The eyes that now stared at her were the exact same as the ones she looked into every day.

For a good thirsty seconds, neither woman moved, during which time Deeks decided to make his appearance.

"So," he said as he sauntered into the room, "I see you've met my cousin."

Kensi quickly composed herself and thought fast. She hadn't said anything on the subway that would have given her away... Had she? No, she had never said the name of the man in question, not given any indication that she knew the man that the woman had described as her cousin.

Convinced of her safety, she was able to formulate sentences again.

"Yeah," she said confidently, "but this isn't the first time we've met."

Now it was Deeks' turn to look confused.

His gaze darted back and forth between the two women.

"Remember a few weeks ago when I was on a mission in NY?" Kensi said.

He nodded.

"Well I was riding the subway, and I, well apparently I met your cousin. Wow," said Kensi, chuckling to her self, "this is weird."

"Well life's just that isn't it? Said the woman at last, "weird."

They both laughed and turned to Deeks, who was apparently still trying to wrap his head around the situation.

"As I remember you were pretty torn up about a guy," said the woman as she leaned back on the couch.

Deeks was now watching his cousin with the most interest he had shown her since he entered the room. Kensi begged she wouldn't continue, but she did.

"You said you weren't sure you had the confidence to tell him you loved him."

"Did she really," said Deeks, an obnoxious grin spreading across his face as he turned to look at Kensi.

She was sure she was blushing madly, but she was determined to stay calm.

She wondered if he knew that he was the guy of whom she had spoken, she hoped against hope that he didn't. But the knowingness in his now overjoyed eyes told her all she needed to know, and she cursed fate.

Right now life was somewhere between weird and just a plain bitch, but for the life of her Kensi couldn't decide where this day would fall. She merely shook her head and laughed.

What else could she do?


	5. Too Sexy

This is after they are together btw.

….

It had been a long day, and she had finished it up with a long session at the shooting range. By the time she emerged, it seemed most everybody had gone home. Walking down the hall towards her desk, she knew her partner had not left.

Kensi heard it before she saw it, but already she knew what to expect when the unmistakable tune of "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" was blaring through OPS. She had her expression of absolute disapproval ready, but when she saw Deeks dancing around the bull pen, completely unphased, she couldn't help but grin.

When he saw her, he started dancing, if possible, more weirdly than before.

"Hey you wanna join Kensalina? I know you can bust a move, come on."

She looked at him with a look of utter deprecation.

"There are so many things I would rather do than whatever that," she said gesturing to him, "is."

"Oh really?" he replied, still dancing absurdly, "need I remind you about a certain bulgogi dance? Huh?"

He began to imitate her oh so awful bulgogi dance.

She scoffed.

"Yeah you know I'm right," he replied, a smug grin on his face.

"Oh please I was only doing it to make you feel better after that whole thing."

"Whatever babe there's no denying that this is hot with a capital h."

He had begun dancing his absurd dance again, and again she stared at him in utter bewilderment.

"I have sex with you..." she said with mock disgust.

"Hah! Yeah you do!" was his answer.

She shook her head, and did the only thing she knew would stop him, she took out her phone.

"Here partner, smile nice and wide so Sam and Callen can really enjoy this," she said as she held up her phone to take a video.

"Okay you win," he said, stopping abruptly and sitting back down at his desk.

"Nothing to see here," he announced, "just a man hard at work, doin stuff with, you know, papers..."

He began to shuffle wildly through the untouched stack of paperwork on his desk.

"Right," she said, not even bothering to hide the cocky smile on her lips.


	6. Vows

K so I know this may seem random compared to my other drabbles but since I've had this forever and I really do like it I decided I'll post it anyways. I know everyone probably has their own very specific idea of how they get married, but idk this is just one of the scenarios I created. Oh ad obviously this one is from after they get together.

…..

Their wedding was a small one, seeing as neither had much family left, and very few friends outside of work. The guests consisted mostly of Deeks' surfer buddies, a few of Kensi's friends from Quantico and some relatives that would not have been pleased if they weren't invited. Ray had managed to make it, and he sat in between Deeks' mother and Jenny, who was pregnant again, on the right side of the aisle. On the left, Julie sat beside the few friends of Kensi's that she knew, looking very proud indeed. And of course, in the front row, Sam, Callen Eric, Nell, Nate, and Hetty all sat beaming up at Deeks as he awaited his bride.

They had chosen a small chapel by the sea. Deeks could smell the salty waters and hear the waves crashing over the rocks like an ancient and most rhythmic hymn. Through the two stain-glass windows above the alter, the great Pacific was visible, sparkling with a vibrant blue identical to eyes of Marty Deeks as he watched the most beautiful bride he had ever seen float down the aisle, his bride, Kensi.

Sam and Michelle looked on proudly as their daughters teetered down the aisle in beautiful dresses of deep blue, tossing rose petals as they went. Kensi followed. To say she was breathtaking would be a gross understatement. Deeks was certain no words could describe how beautiful she looked, but in that moment he didn't even care that his bride was the most beautiful in the world. He only cared that she, Kensi, in her entirety was walking towards him, and she was going to be with him forever. His heart soared as he saw her blush under his gaze. He would never get tired of that. Never.

She had chosen to walk alone, for no one could fill the emptiness beside her; no one could replace her father. As she joined him at the altar, he winked at her and a grin more radiant than any he had seen graced her lips, he could always make her smile. That was love.

The priest said an opening prayer and recited the Liturgy of the Word, as was custom at Catholic marriages. He recounted the Gospel Readings, but Deeks was hardly listening. All he could think of, all that he could feel, was Kensi beside him. She was his world, and the fact that she was about to become his, forever, was an overwhelming idea so unimaginably powerful that it drove all else out. Only the sudden shift in the audience made him aware that they were not alone.

Their guests had turned to look as the ring bearer carried his prized treasure down the aisle. Ray now grinned in his usual sly manor as his young son walked past him, bearing the rings proudly.

Then the priest spoke again, and Deeks found it in himself to listen. He found the language odd, but for some reason intriguing at the same time. It was like being transported back to second grade when his mother would drag him to Church every Sunday, and her constant reminder that "It'll go faster if you listen," still rung in his ears. He did want it to go faster. The simple seconds that stood between him and Kensi seemed to take an eternity. He wanted her to be his now. But he knew patience was the only way.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church: which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence and first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be honorable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace. Also speaking unto the Persons who are to be married, he shall say, I require and charge you both, as ye will answer at the dreadful day of judgment when the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if either of you know any impediment, why ye may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, ye do now confess it. For be ye well assured, that if any persons are joined together other than as God's Word doth allow, their marriage is not lawful.

"Martin Andrew, wilt thou have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"

"I will."

Then the priest turned to Kensi and asked,

"Kensi Marie, wilt thou have this Man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?

"I will."

"Now," said the priest, "I believe you have written your own vows?"

They nodded. It was unusual to say the least that they had written their own vows for a Catholic wedding, but Kensi's mother had convinced the priest there, who was also a surfer acquaintance of Deeks, to allow the deviation from tradition just this once.

Deeks cleared his throat nervously, but when he spoke, his words were strong and steady, and never for a second did he break eye contact with his beloved Kensi.

"I should tell you now Kensi that I know I don't deserve you, but your love means more to me than I could express in simple words or even actions. Kensi Blye you are my heaven, and to live a day on this earth without you would not truly be living at all. You are everything to me, you have saved me in more ways than you know, and to spend eternity with you will be the best blessing a man could ever ask for. Kensi I vow to help you love life, to fight for you always, and most of all to love you unconditionally and eternally."

And with that he slipped the ring onto her slender finger. She relished the way it felt there. It was not like her engagement to Jack, where she had immediately felt anxious and suffocated when he placed the ring on her finger. No, now she felt as if this ring tied her to Deeks, and she knew she would never take it off because of that.

Kensi looked straight into Deeks' pristinely blue eyes, and with no difficulty whatsoever, she said firmly,

"Deeks, you know how bad I am with words," the crowd below chuckled and smiled, but Kensi had eyes only for the grinning man in front of her, "but I vow to love you fiercely now and forever, and I vow to remember always that this is a love we have fought for, and a love that is greater than any we will ever find again, this is the type of love that comes only once in a life time. I vow to continue to fight for you as long as I live."

And with that she put the ring on Deeks finger. He had always thought marriage was not for him, that he would forever remain a staunch bachelor. But the thought of Kensi drove every doubt he had ever had from his mind. The ring felt good, it felt like his promise to her to forever love her. It felt like a promise he knew he would have no trouble at all in keeping, because loving Kensi Blye was the easiest and most wonderful thing that life had to offer.

The priest then turned to Deeks and said,

"Go now in peace and live in love, sharing the most precious gifts you have – the gifts of your lives united. And may your days be long on this earth. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

And kiss her he did. He kissed her as if there was nothing greater in the world than her lips on his, than the feel of her in his arms, and than knowing that she was his forever. Then again, that was probably because there wasn't.


	7. Spiders

The afternoon was dragging on in OSP. Sam and Callen had decided to hit the gym in their spare time, using it as an excuse to avoid paperwork as always. This left Kensi and Deeks alone in the bullpen. Deeks was being unusually diligent about his own share of paperwork, and when his voice penetrated the silence at last, Kensi had to try very hard to hide the smile that threatened to creep onto her lips.

"Kens?" he said nervously, "Kensalina? Exactly how afraid are you of spiders?"

"Where is it Deeks?" she replied in a bored voice, not even bothering to look up.

"It's on Sam's desk and I cant take it anymore, it's staring me down with all eight of its demonic eyes…"

"I my god Deeks it's not even big," she said as she finally observed the spider that was in fact, sitting on Sam's desk.

"I don't care how big it is," said Deeks, scooting his chair away from the creature, "I want it dead."

"What ever happened to live and let live?" said Kensi, who could not help but grin now.

"Yeah, we're not in World War One, this is like world war three, only the enemy is exponentially more terrifying than a bunch of Germans with machine guns..."

"Wow..." she said, looking at him sadly, "that is saying something."

"Ah the Germans," he mused, momentarily forgetting to act scared, "blonde, tall, huge – Ouch! What?!"

She had brought a rolled up magazine down on his head, and was now staring at him threateningly.

"I was gonna say hearts, they have such huge hearts, they're very compassionate people the Germans..."

She raised her eyebrow.

"Alright, alright I'll shut up just please kill that evil thing!"

She rolled her eyes and with a thud she brought the rolled up magazine down onto the spider, leaving an admittedly gross stain on Sam's desk.

"There, sweetie, all better?" she mocked.

"No, that thing was staring me down – aaahh!"

He shivered violently, "I have goose bumps, look!"

"Yes I see that Deeks..."

She rolled her eyes again.

"God's mistake I swear," he said, shuddering again.

"No, I know exactly why god created spiders."

He gave her a look and scoffed, "well this should be good."

She smiled.

"He made them to sort out the real men from the little, baby, boys."

She gave him a look and turned to leave.

"Alright let me get one thing straight I'm a real man okay? I don't cry during chick flicks, well at least not most of them you know Dear John really got me. And I - I

"You what exactly?"

"I just really don't like spiders, they're evil little beasts!"

She scoffed.

"Okay you know what," he said defensively, "I am not alone, 80% of the population has arachnophobia!"

"Uh huh, sure."

"What, you don't believe me?"

She stared at him pitifully.

"Again, real men kill spiders for girls."

"Okay wait - did you just call yourself a man?"

"So what if I did? I just called you a girl."

He chuckled and looked up at her, his brilliant blue eyes twinkling,

"Touché, partner, touché."


	8. Sleeping Bags

The mission was a hard one. It had taken the team far out into the desert near the Mexican border, and despite the searing temperatures during the day, right now Kensi was literally shivering with cold as she lay in her sleeping bag.

"Deeks," she whispered, "are you awake?"

"I am now," he replied groggily.

"I'm freezing."

"You were the one who said we had to put out the fire," was his response.

She sighed irritably,

"Deeks I told you we can't leave the fire going it's a hazard if none of us are awake we don't want to draw attention."

"Whatever you say crazy nature girl."

"Shhh you're gonna wake up Sam and Callen!"

"Oh please," he said, "they're all the way over there and believe me Sam sleeps like a rock."

"How exactly do you know that?"

Though the light was dim she could see his face break into a mischievous grin.

"Okay on second thought don't tell me," she said disapprovingly.

"I'm still freezing."

"I could fix that."

"Ew really Deeks?"

"What?" he said defensively, "my body heat could warm you right up."

She scoffed and turned over. But she really was freezing. She knew there was a simple solution, but she would not, under any circumstances, get into a sleeping bag with Deeks. A sudden gust of wind quickly changed her mind.

Taking a deep breath and swallowing her pride, she got up and walked over to his sleeping bag. Standing over him, she said,

"One condition, no touching me."

The grin that spread across his face made it almost unbearable not to punch him, but also not to kiss him. She resisted both urges and stared coldly down at him.

"That's gonna be hard –

"Deeks."

"I mean we're in a sleeping bag! Confined spaces and all that jeez, what were you thinking?"

"Shut up and let me in."

"I think I'm gonna make you beg," he said, staring up at her with a most obnoxious grin on his face.

She smiled back and said a little too nicely,

"I think I'm gonna make you beg for you're balls back if you don't let me in."

"Oooh I can talk dirty too."

"Deeks."

"Fine get in," he said as he unzipped the side of his sleeping bag. She slid in and found that she was infinitely more comfortable here than she had ever been, despite the fact that she was on the cold hard dirt in the middle of the desert.

"I know you were just looking for an excuse to get into my sleeping bag – ouch!"

She had elbowed him in the ribs.

"You know," he said with a grimace, "I'm trying to respect your wishes of not touching you but I'm gonna have to give up it's impossible."

She sighed and snuggled into his pillow.

"Whatever Deeks," she said sleepily.

He wasn't sure if he was dreaming, or if in fact Kensi Blye had just given him permission to touch her. Gingerly, he settled in beside her, and as casually as he could, he rested his arm on her abdomen. He took it as a good sign that she didn't throw it off. But he knew she wouldn't have, he knew that despite all her protest, she had a thing for him. It was the reason that she was here, in his sleeping bag. He smiled stupidly to himself but he didn't care, he still had one last little poke left in him.

"What are Sam and Callen gonna think?" he said slyly over her shoulder.

She shrugged.

"I bet if Sam could fit in his own sleeping bag, let alone one with Callen, they'd be doing the exact same thing."

Deeks chuckled.

"Night Kens."

"Night Deeks."

But he knew he would not be sleeping. Having Kensi in his arms, even if she was not truly his, was simply too good of a feeling to sleep through. Instead he pushed off sleep for as long as he dared, breathing in her scent and listening to her soft breathing. Just the rising and falling of her chest was more majestic to him than the starlit sky above, and he silently thanked the heavens that, for tonight at least, he had Kensi to lay beside.


	9. You

K I know I said I would wait for episodes to come out so that I could make them perfectly accurate but I just couldn't resist. The last episode left me feeling so sad and unsatisfied with Deeks and Kensi's relationship so I had to write this even if something like this doesn't happen I wish it would. Enjoy!

….

Kensi was strong, she was tough. But she was human after all. It was not beneath her to let words eat her alive. And right now, that was exactly what was happening. Every time she glanced over at him, those words came back, haunting her. She hadn't thought much of it at the time, but a night alone had been enough time for them to truly bite into her.

_You know what it is? I just kept looking at him thinking 'that could be me on his side of the table one day._

_Deeks that's the game he was playing that is exactly how he wants you to feel._

_I get that. But it doesn't mean its not true._

_And I would never let that happen to you. _

_Right. The only problem being that you would be the reason it happened in the first place. _

How could she allow herself to be consumed by that conversation. She knew she had to say something, anything, or it would kill her.

She finally got her opportunity that night. She and Deeks were the last left in the bullpen, a situation not uncommon these days.

Several times she was about to speak, but she found herself unable to. She needed to do this, she needed to tell him what his words had meant to her, she needed to tell him that when he gave her father's knife back to her, it felt like he had driven it through her heart instead.

"You wanna say something Kensalina?" he said suddenly, though he did not look up from his work.

She was slightly caught off guard, and cleared her throat nervously.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I can practically feel your tension and frankly its giving me a headache. Come on, out with it."

She was surprised further still, this was the way she spoke to him, not the other way around. But he had forced her to speech, and she took her opportunity.

"Yes, actually Deeks, I would like to talk to you about something."

Now he looked up.

"Oh?"

"It's, um, its about what you said yesterday actually. That, um, that I would be the reason you would be behind the table. I just I dunno…"

He just looked at her.

"I'm bad with words Deeks but after, after Afghanistan I can talk now, I have to talk now or I'll loose you. Deeks it's true, I may be the reason you'll be behind that desk, but look me in the eye right now and tell me you don't think if come after you, tell me it wouldn't be worth it because, because –

"Because that's what love is," he finished.

"Because that's what love is," she repeated.

They stood there in silence for a moment, simply staring into each other's eyes, both understanding and concern flowing freely between them.

Kensi broke the silence, but did not break eye contact.

"You once said that you would go to the ends of the earth for the one thing you cared about above all else. Were you telling the truth?"

He sighed. He knew what she meant; he knew what she was trying to say without really saying it. But this was no time comment on silly hypocrisy. She was asking him if he cared about her more than his job. He took his time but finally he looked up at her.

"You're right, I did say that. And I meant it. I meant you."

She stared at him.

"Wha –what?"

The expression on her face was beautiful and priceless. She had known what she was asking, but she was not prepared for the answer.

"You heard me," he replied calmly. He gave her a moment to let his words sink in, and then got up and took her face in his hands.

"You," he repeated once more before he brought her lips to his.


	10. Then Somebody Comes Along

"There's no way it's gonna last," said Kensi.

"And how would you know?" replied Deeks, a crooked smile on his lips.

She grinned.

"Because I know everything."

He let out an exaggerated laugh.

"Oh please, don't get me started."

"Fine, I'll tell you why it wont last. Deeks, you met her at a bar. That's never gonna work. Studies show that the person you are most compatable with is much more likely to be someone you know from work or a hobby or something over time. The chances that you meet the love of your life at a bar are slim to none."

"Okay, for the record, marrying someone you met at a bar is cliché because it happens so often. I have several friends who met their wives at bars and are happily married," he said with finality.

"Uh huh, do you even want it to work out with her?"

Deeks shrugged.

"There," she said smugly "_That _is why it wont work out."

"Ah the relationship guru has given her opinion."

She

"I can give better dating advice than you, I bet your longest relationship was two weeks tops."

He ignored her jab but responded with an air of disbelief.

"You? As if you could offer anyone advice on dating," said Deeks.

Kensi scoffed, she knew she wasn't going to win this argument no matter what she said.

"What's the best dating advice you ever got?" he asked.

Rather taken aback, Kensi chuckled.

"As strange as it seems, the best love advice I ever got was from a criminal."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Do tell."

"She was collateral damage in a drug bust, she couldn't have been more than 23. I remember thinking that it was sad how she was caught up in all of it; I mean from childhood she hadn't known anything but violence and gangs and drugs. I'll never forget it though, that day that I arrested her.

She came with me willingly, she didn't put up a fight, she didn't protest, she didn't even look scared. She just kept looking at something, something she obviously card about more than herself. She was looking at Elliot, one of the boys we had arrested after the raid. The look in her eyes is something that still gets to me; even now I can see her face so clearly at the sight of him in handcuffs.

Kensi leaned back and allowed herself to relive that day.

"_You're kinda young to be caught up in all of this aren't you aren't you?" she asked the girl. It had been Kensi's job to question all the non-major players involved in the operation. _

"_I could say the same thing about you," she replied._

_Kensi contemplated the girl across the table. Her eyes were red from silent tears, but her voice was strong. _

"_Did you know that boy?" Kensi asked calmly._

"_Look, lady, you're gonna have to be more specific."_

_Kensi smiled._

"_No, I think we both know which one I'm talking about."_

_The girl tilted her head, as if to retort or counter Kensi's claim, but she seemed to think better of it. Instead, she let loose the anxiety she had been keeping in, and her true fear came to the surface._

"_Elliot," she said, "Where are you keeping him? Is he alright? What did you people do with him?"_

_Kensi grinned again, she knew she had won. She had her bargaining chip and any information this girl had was hers so long as she promised answers about Elliot. She felt guilty, but this was her job, she reminded herself._

"_I'll tell you about Elliot when you tell me everything you know about this operation."_

"_No," said the girl defiantly, "I need to know now, I need to know."_

"_Do you love him?"_

_Kensi herself was a little startled by the question she had just asked. It could help her with the game she was running, but deep down she wanted to know._

_The girl answered her question with one of her own._

"_You ever been in love?"_

_Now Kensi was truly surprised, but she was trained and disciplined, and she didn't let it show._

"_That's not relevant to this case."_

"_Then how is me being in love with Elliot 'relevant to this case?'" she retorted._

"_I'm asking the questions here," replied Kensi a little tartly, "Now, were you in love with Elliot Jones?"_

_The girl scoffed._

"_You cops man…"_

"_Answer me, were you – _

"_Yes!" cried the girl, "I was in love with Elliot! I am in love with Elliot."_

_Kensi took a deep breath. _

"_I can understand."_

"_Can you?" said the girl, "Can you really? It's funny isn't it, you think you know love, everybody thinks they know love, and then somebody comes along and just shatters every preconception you ever had about what it is to love, to really love. Suddenly you don't care if there is a love beyond yours, you stop thinking about it because somewhere in your heart you know what you didn't before; that a love like that isn't something you have felt or ever will feel again. And that's enough."_

_This startled Kensi. How could this girl, who had all of her young life in broken homes, have such a profound outlook on love? Perhaps it was remarkable that she had such knowledge at such a young age, but in Kensi's heart of hearts she knew that the real reason it was unsettling to her was because she didn't know what the girl was talking about. She was about to be married and yet she had no idea what that feeling was._

Kensi brought herself back to the present, and shaking off her flashback she looked at Deeks.

"You alright there Kens?"

"Yeah," she said, "Yeah it's just I know what she was talking about now."

"Yo, earth to Kensi, you didn't actually finish your story," said Deeks, smiling at her.

"Well," she said slowly, "basically her advice was that you can convince yourself you're in love, but until you actually feel it, you'll never really know."

He grinned slightly and contemplated her before speaking.

"I guess she was right then, wasn't she."

Kensi felt her heart skip a beat as he pierced her with those blue eyes.

"Yeah," she said softly, not breaking eye contact, "I guess she was…"


	11. Bedtime

After they get together.

….

"Alrighty Ella-Bella," said the handsome blonde man with a sigh, "It's time for bed".

The young girl chuckled bashfully as her uncle Deeks called her by her nickname and rose to his feet. With a great heave he picked her up and swung her over his shoulder, making her burst out in a fit of laughter.

"Uncle Deeks I don't wanna go to bed!" she cried as he marched her up the stairs.

"Sorry munchkin, but your dad gave us strict orders."

"Aunt Kensi make him stop I wanna stay up! I'm old!" protested the Ella.

Kensi had to laugh as she watched the girl make a defiant face, though she was upside down and swinging from Deeks' arms, making the whole scene look rather absurd.

"Sorry, sweetie," she replied, "you already got to stay up later than your sister, Sophie's been asleep for an hour."

She had hoped that by making it seem as if she had been given a special privilege, Ella might be more inclined to give up and go to bed. I was not so.

"I'm a big girl!" she continued stubbornly.

"Yes you are," groaned Deeks as he shifted her to the other shoulder, "come on missy."

He continued up the stairs and the protesting did not stop right away, but eventually Kensi only heard Deek's voice, and assumed that he had again worked his magic and was reading her a bedtime story.

A few moments later, Deeks came bounding down the stairs.

"Want me to carry you to bed too Princess?" he asked slyly.

She gave him a look.

"I dont need you to," she said in the same defiant manor that Ella had, "I'm a big girl now."

Deeks grinned seductively.

"I know you are."

And before she could protest he had scooped her up as if she were nothing and thrown her over his shoulder.

"Ah," he said dramatically, "you're a lot heavier than the last one."

She punched him playfully.

Then he said mischievously,

"I'm not actually gonna carry your ass to bed."

"Deeks no!"

But it was too late, he had tossed her back onto the couch and followed after her quickly. She let out a girlish giggle that even surprised her and Deeks grinned. She forced herself to have a straight face and gave him a disapproving look.

"Deeks you asshole -"

But her sentence was cut off by his lips meeting hers. She was immediately lost in her desire for him, and before either of them knew it, their shirts had hit the floor and Deeks had already started undoing Kensi's shorts.

"Deeks," she panted, "Deeks what if they hear us? Deeks -"

"Then why don't you try being quiet for once?" he quipped.

His cheekiness earned him a punch in the arm.

"What?" he said defensively, "you scream like -"

"That was one time," she interrupted.

Now he gave her a look.

"Alright," she conceded, "shut up."

Then she brought his lips to hers and said with despair,

"Sam's gonna kill us."

And those were the last words that were needed.


	12. Say What You Mean

They are together at this point and it is sometime in the near future. I wanted to put in my idea of how their first "I love you's" go down. I also wanted to add some drama because while I appreciate the reality of the way they entered a relationship, it did lack a certain dramatic flair that we're used to seeing with Kensi and Deeks. Anyways, enjoy!

...

It was late and the bullpen was half empty. Sam had gone home for the night and Callen, well, he'd gone somewhere for the night. Only Kensi and Deeks stayed behind, each finishing up their work as fast as they could. Kensi could practically feel the tension in Deeks' mind.

She knew what it was about. It had been a trying day, to be sure, but she knew something else was on his mind. It wasn't the long day, but the fact that Kensi had been offered another long term assignment.

"I don't want you to go," said Deeks suddenly. Kensi looked up to find him staring at her from across the room.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I don't want you to go."

"Look," she began, "Deeks I know -

"No, Kensi listen to me. Remember what happened last time -

"Oh that's what this is about, you don't think I can handle it. I screwed up because I let my emotions come before my work, something I can asure you will not happen again. And that's on me. This is different."

"You're right, it is different. You know it, I know it. It's dangerous and unnecessary, and believe me when I say that I know you can handle it but I can't, Kens, I can't. You know why - if I let you go - when I saw that picture, I knew I'd never be the same because…

"Because what?" she asked rather sharply, eyebrows raised.

"You know what I'm trying to say."

"No, if I did I wouldn't have asked you."

She still had a cold tone, and now her arms were crossed as she stared at her partner, her boyfriend.

"Kensi, you know what, nevermind, I'm not doing this now, can we please just go home?"

"I can't believe it," she scoffed with disbelief, "even now, you still can't say what you mean!"

She hadn't meant to raise her voice, not really. But the emotion in Deeks' face showed that he had not missed it.

Nevertheless, he said nothing.

She rolled her eyes and turned her back to him, making for the exit.

"Damn it Kensi it's because I love you!"

She stopped in her tracks, just feet from the glass door. She turned slowly to see him standing there, the wave of emotion that had caused him to burst was still fresh on his face.

"Can't you see that?"

His voice was soft now, not strained as it had been just seconds before. His clear blue eyes had a pleading look that brought real pain to her heart.

She opened her mouth to respond, but before any words could come out, a loud ringing sound broke the silence. Kensi could feel her phone vibrating in her back pocket, and she saw Deeks' light up on his desk, but neither one took their eyes from the other.

Finally, Kensi spoke.

"We better answer."

"Yeah," Deeks replied weakly, "we'd better."

They both picked up the ringing phones to hear the same message. Both partners nodded and avoided eye contact for a short time, then they hung up and Kensi looked up. Deeks wouldn't meet her eyes, and she felt her heart clench with anguish.

Still, she was Kensi Blye, and this was no time to be emotional. Personal life could not get in the way of her professional life, not matter how badly she wanted it to.

"We should go, it's bad."

"Yeah," said Deeks, his voice hollow.

"Callen and Sam will meet us there."

"I know," he said almost robotically. Then he picked up his gun and walked past her without so much as a glance.


	13. In Too Deep

"So Kens -

"I don't want to talk about it, Deeks."

"Alright," he said, clearing his throat uncomfortably, "we could not talk about it, but what's that really going to accomplish?"

Kensi answered his question with silence. She continued to stare straight ahead.

"Why didn't you take that shot Kensi?"

"We've been down this road before, and as I remember we don't like where it leads."

Deeks scoffed.

"Oh no, no, no, you don't get to do that. You can't just go crazy on me when I don't take a shot but then ignore it when you do the exact same thing."

She glared at him.

"I'm not ignoring it."

"Alright then what is it, exactly?"

She turned to him with an intensity that took him by surprise.

"I'll tell you what it is, I care about you too much, Deeks. There's a reason they don't let partners date - I mean it really clouds your judgement."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Wow, okay so you didn't care about your last partner?"

"Of course I did, but I wasn't in love with my last partner."

Deeks seemed caught off guard by this. His expression softened as he stared back at her.

Still, he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Where do we go from here?"

He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"I don't know, Deeks, I don't know… We're in too deep."

She saw the hurt in the eyes, and she knew the idea of not being together scared him as much as it did her.


	14. Permission

"Yes Deeks?"

The blonde detective appeared to be trying desperately to say something, yet not quite being able to get it out. An unusual even under any circumstances.

"Uhhh," he tried.

"Use your words Deeks," Sam said with mock patience.

Callen shook his head and chuckled.

"Never thought I'd live to see the day Marty Deeks couldn't speak," he mused.

"You and me both," replied Sam, still looking at Deeks.

"It's…" Deeks began, "Um.. It's about…"

"Kensi," the older partners finished in unison.

"What about her?" Callen asked, looking intrigued now.

Sam seemed to sense Deeks' anxiety as he stared at the poor detective, only causing further discomfort for the latter.

Deeks cleared his throat again, and said with some difficulty,

"Well, since Kensi's dad is, well, dead, and, er, she doesn't have any siblings to speak of and you guys have always sort of been -"

"Get on with it Deeks we don't have all day," snapped Callen, though he was still amused.

"Can I marry Kensi?" Deeks blurted out suddenly.

Callen and Sam stared at him, and then each other, and then him again.

Sam broke the silence.

"Let me get this straight, you're asking _us_ for permission the marry Kensi?"

"Well," said Deeks nervously, "I mean you guys are like her older brothers, and she doesn't have a dad, so I just figured…"

The partners grinned identically and looked at each other.

"What - what was that?" said Deeks suspiciously, slowly returning to his normal self.

"Why don't you tell him G.?" said Sam, evidently pleased with the whole situation.

"It's be my pleasure," replied Callen.

He turned to Deeks, who looked like he might pee his pants any second. High stress shoot outs he could do, intense undercover situations were no problem, but this, this had caused him the most anxiety he had experienced in a very long time, and he did not appreciate Sam and Callen dragging it out. He had somehow always felt like he needed the approval of the two senior partners when it came to Kensi. He knew if he did wrong by her - not that he would ever dream of it - he would have to answer to them. Something he most definitely did not want to do. He hadn't wanted to do this either, but somehow, it just felt right. If he had Sam and Callen's blessing, he would have no doubts.

Callen turned to Deeks, his arms were crossed but his face had a kind expression.

"Deeks," he said "I don't need to tell you how truly incredible Kensi is or how much she deserves, because I know that you know that. I don't need to tell you that everyone in this room would die for her, because you know that too. What I do need to tell you is that Sam and I trust you above all others, including ourselves, to go to the ends of the earth for her. I don't think any man could ever give Kensi all that she deserves, but we know you will die trying. We know that you will spend your entire life doing whatever it takes to make her happy, but it's not up to us to decide if that's enough."

Deeks looked rather bewildered.

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes darting from one to the other, "what?"

They both grinned again.

"Deeks," said Sam in perhaps the kindest tone he had ever addressed Deeks with, "you don't need our permission to marry Kensi, but you do have our blessing."

Deeks exhaled. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest: they approved of him.

"She loves you more than anyone on this earth," said Sam, "and I know you feel the same."

Callen nodded.

"I can promise you there won't be another that even comes close."

"Or that will put up with you for the rest of her life," added Sam, "marry that girl."


	15. Keeping Her Cover

Kensi pushed the man down onto the perfectly made bed, a malicious grin on her face. Slowly, she lowered the sleeve of her red satin dress to reveal a perfectly tanned shoulder before doing the same to the other. She shimmied out of the gown and it dropped to the floor to reveal the expensive lingerie that clung to her body. The man looked up at her with a lust that she had never seen before. It was unnerving, but she mentally prepared herself for what was to come, and gracefully climbed onto the bed until she was straddling his abdomen.

"Is - is she doing what I think she's doing?" asked Deeks. It was killing him to watch it, but he couldn't keep his eyes off the screen. He was watching the love of his life in bed with another man, and he knew this wouldn't be the normal scenario where she could get herself out of it or the team would come busting in to save her. This was happening; too much was at stake.

"She has to," said Callen simply.

"Come on, we can't let her do that, there must be something we can do," cried Deeks, panic evident on his face. His dark blue eyes were wide with fear and what now looked like rage.

Callen sighed but shook his head.

"We can't interfere, if we do, we'll blow her cover. And I don't have to tell you what will happen to Kensi if we do. This isn't some low level punk she's in there with."

"But, I mean come on, doesn't this violate some sort of law?" asked Deeks desperately.

"Deeks, you know how important this case is" said Sam, "Kensi is an adult, she's agreed. She knows what she has to do and she will complete her mission."

"But this - this has to be illegal, or against some sort of protocol!"

"Since when have any of us listened to protocol?" asked Callen.

"I know, but this is different this is -

"What she has to do to keep her cover and help us end this case. You know what the consequences of us failing to stop Reznov are, Deeks," said Sam, "If she doesn't prove to him she's in all the way the whole operation will be blown and - and he'll kill her…"

Both Callen and Deeks nodded slightly in understanding. All three of the men were tense, each one of them no doubt planning how they would get their revenge on Reznov for what he was doing to Kensi. It was one thing to hear her seduction over a com while waiting outside to bust the asshole who would dare lay a hand on her, but this was different. Their hands were tied with this case, they had no choice but to stand back and wait for the events to unfold. They were huddled around the screen in the boatshed, all of them stewing in their own fury at what was unfolding before their eyes.

As Kensi unbuckled the man's belt and cast it aside, Callen turned to Deeks.

"You don't have to watch this, Sam and I -

"No," Deeks cut in firmly, "If something goes wrong, I need to be the first one to…"

The man's shirt had just come off, and Deeks knew what was about to happen next. Kensi's bra was the next thing to hit the floor. The man grabbed her hair and pulled her down, forcing her lips to his. He took her by the waist and flipped her over on her stomach. And then, as they all knew was bound to happen, a gasp escaped Kensi's lips. Deeks couldn't watch another second. He turned his head away from the screen, but he could still hear their heavy breathing in through the com in his ear.

"Deeks, you alright?" asked Sam as gently as he could.

There was no answer. Finally Callen spoke.

"She has to do it to keep her cover."

"I know, Callen!" He snapped. Callen and Sam exchanged a look.

There was more labored breathing, and each one of Kensi's pained moans bored into Deeks heart like a knife. When they started to get more intense, he got up suddenly, causing his chair to flip over and slide across the floor.

"I can't do this!" he shouted. He threw his com to the ground and sat down on the table, dragging his hands down his face while taking a deep breath.

A few minutes later, Callen put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's over," he said, though there was no relief in his tone.

Deeks nodded but did not move for a long while. There was nothing to do now but wait. When it began to grow light outside, they got a call from Hetty.

"Yeah" Callen responded into the phone, "we're on it."

He turned to face his team, and Deeks stomach turned at the sight of his face. Callen's eyes were wide with worry, or even worse, fear. This was something Deeks weren't used to seeing, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"Kensi's cover is about to be blown, we've gotta move. Now."

"What?" asked Sam, "How?"

"No time to explain, let's go!"

Deeks didn't need to be told twice. He jumped to his feet and followed the two agents out the door.

"Hey guys, I've got Hetty and Granger here," Eric's voice announced through their coms.

It was Hetty who spoke next.

"It seems there's been a leak, gentlemen. Whether Reznov has been made aware of Kensi's true identity as of yet, we can't be certain -

"Which is why we should leave her in, Henrietta," Granger cut in, "Agent Blye has been under for weeks, if we pull her out now the whole operation is blown."

"And if we don't she could be dead," said Deeks, not even attempting to hide his contempt for Granger's proposal.

"Detective Deeks, this isn't your call."

"But it is mine," asserted Hetty, "and I'm pulling her out. The life of an agent is more important than the execution of a single mission, Owen, on this matter I have always been quite clear. My intel is solid, get her out of there Mr. Callen."

"Will do."

By the time they got to the scene, backup forces were already in place. Callen, as usual, led the raid, and he was the one to find Kensi. After he had delivered her to the medics for examination, he went back in to join Sam and Deeks. Reznov surrendered, as they knew he would, Kensi had given them all the information they had needed. Deeks couldn't even pretend to act happy, despite the sight of Reznov's bloody face as he was dragged from the building.

Once outside, he found Kensi, but the sight of her made him feel sick. She was alright physically, just a few bruises, evidently Reznov liked it rough. It was just her, wearing the same red dress, only now it was tattered and burned, that made Deeks' stomach turn. He forced himself to look at her just a second longer. She was, even now, so very beautiful. But Deeks could not bring himself to meet her eyes.

Hetty instructed them to go home and get some well deserved rest, but Deeks wasn't tired. There would be no sleep for him tonight, for every time he closed his eyes he saw that screen, and what had happened on it. Without talking, Kensi and Deeks headed for the car and got in.

They were halfway home before Kensi finally broke the oppressive silence.

"Are we gonna talk about this?" she said weakly.

"There's nothing to talk about, you were keeping your cover," he responded mechanically.

"Deeks we both know that that was a whole new level -

"I know, I know your life is always on the line, and I would much rather have you… have you do that then get killed…"

The rest of the car ride was as quiet was the first half.

When they arrived home she brought herself to look at his face. She could see his pain - it ran deep, very deep. She felt helpless. He hadn't even asked her if she was alright, something he would never do.

"Please forgive me," she whispered in a broken voice.

He cleared his throat; "There's nothing to forgive, you were just doing your job."

"Then why won't you look me in the eye?"

He continued to stare straight ahead.

"There's nothing to forgive," he repeated and walked into the kitchen.

Kensi stood there, looking utterly lost. Finally, when it was clear he was not going to come back out, she headed for the shower.

She let the hot water scold her skin and rubbed herself raw until the sight of blood mixing with the water on the floor made her stop. She could feel tears stinging her eyes as the memories of Reznov's hands on her body coursed through her mind.

"Kensi, you've been in there a while, are you ok?"

She couldn't bring herself to speak.

"Kensi!" he shouted, "Kensi are you alright?"

No response.

He flung open the door, but she didn't flinch. She merely stared straight ahead as the water continued to burn her skin.

"Oh my god," he gasped at the sight of her bleeding body, true concern was etched upon his face, but she did not see it, for now it was Kensi who could not bring herself to face him.

He turned the water off and wrapped a towel around her. Gingerly, she took his hand and at his touch she stepped out of the shower.

Finally, she had the strength to speak.

"I'm sorry."

"I told you there's nothing to be sorry for," he said weakly.

"Then why will you still not look at me?" she said, hurt evident in her voice.

"Kensi-

"Deeks, look at me!"

His head snapped up in surprise, and he met her eyes for the first time since he had watched her have sex with another man.

They stood there for several minutes, then he walked firmly across the gap between them, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. For a second he was sure he could taste Reznov on her lips, but he pushed through. Then it was just Kensi - just her, and she was kissing him back.

When finally they broke apart, he continued to hold her face in his hands. He looked straight into those eyes he was so captivated by, and he spoke, firmly and strongly.

"Kensi Marie Blye, I love you more than you could ever possibly know, and nothing, I mean nothing, is going to change that. Not ever."

He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her damp head.

"Not ever."


	16. Keeping Her Cover Part 2

It had been three weeks since Kensi had been forced to give herself up to Reznov, and still the memories of that night haunted the dreams of both her and her partner. She could tell it was bothering him, and she felt guilty for bringing yet another demon into his life, another traumatic memory that he would have to fight back into the darkness again and again.

Only when she lay in bed, convinced that Deeks was asleep, did she dare to let her horrible experience resurface. A single tear had just escaped her eye when Deeks bolted awake beside her, yelling at something she could not see.

"I'll fucking kill you!" he screamed before coming to. He looked around and met Kensi's terrified gaze.

"Oh shit, Kens, I'm sorry… nightmare…"

"Again?"

"Yeah," he sighed as he lay back down, but his eyes were wide open. As he stared at the ceiling, Kensi turned to him.

"You're still not over the Reznov case," said Kensi. It wasn't a question.

Deeks, now propped up on his elbows, stared straight ahead.

"Yeah well watching your girlfriend fuck another man isn't exactly easy to get over," he responded harshly.

"You think it's bad for you?" said Kensi, there was real anger in her voice now, "Really you think that that experience was bad for _you_?"

"No, Kensi, I know -

"No, Deeks, no you don't. You will never know what it feels like to let yourself - to just not fight back. He abused me and I had to act like I liked it!" she screamed, tears coming to her beautiful brown eyes, " And the worst part - " she continued in a broken voice, "the worst part was I knew you were watching, I knew I was killing you. I had to let that man basically rape me in front of you and I couldn't do anything!"

"And neither could I!" Deeks shouted.

They were both on their feet now, facing each other from either side of the bed. Deeks looked defeated as he spoke again.

"I know - I could hear your pain and I just - I couldn't help you, I couldn't save you. I just had to watch - I…"

"I know, Deeks. I wish that day had never happened..."

Deeks sat down on the bed and sighed. He looked up at her.

"The shit we do for our covers…"

"Yeah," she responded.

After a few silent moments had passed Kensi spoke.

"Deeks you know I would never - Look at me, Deeks, I'm yours and yours alone."

He didn't respond. Instead he got up, walked around the bed, and took her in his arms. He hugged her tight, as if he would never let her go. She buried her face in his chest and they stood there, taking comfort in each other for an indistinguishable about of time.

Finally they got back into bed and Deeks wrapped his arms around her once more. Eventually sleep found them, and for the first time in weeks, both were free of their demons.


End file.
